


The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

by thorkified



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anger, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Sex, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Violence, Misunderstandings, Multi, Pining, Revenge Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 10:46:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15313812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thorkified/pseuds/thorkified
Summary: After Thor rejected Loki's love, the younger prince finds himself with his brother's friend Fandral. It wasn't supposed to be anything big, but despite his heart still belonging to his brother, Loki finds something with the warrior that he is craving. Thor, however, doesn't like seeing his brother with his friend and loses it on Loki, causing everything to spiral out of control and Loki to face a heartbreak even worse than before.





	The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

Loki didn't plan for this to happen, but somehow things just went on and on and he went with them. It wasn't that he didn't like Fandral, he actually did, but he never imagined it to go this far. But, unlike Thor, who had been distant and difficult lately, Fandral was... there. He spent time with him, made him laugh and somehow Loki enjoyed that. Of course he knew Thor wouldn't like any of this, but given how his brother had acted towards him recently, Loki's bad feelings about being with Fandral had lessened more and more.

Now, as he was in this highly compromising position on top of his brother's friend, his head thrown back and moaning in delight, Loki almost managed to forget how Thor made him feel just hours before. With Fandral's whispered adorations, with his gentle touches and the almost worshipping way he was taking Loki, there was no room for sadness anymore.

Loki was about to give into his rising orgasm when he heard the noise - quiet, hidden, steps that moved away instead of coming closer - and he knew that someone had been watching them. A very small part of him felt guilty, but only moments later his body trembled and Loki forgot his worries.  
  
If Thor didn't care about him it was his own fault Loki searched for someone who would. And Fandral did, the way he kissed Loki's cheek and pulled him into his arms afterwards was proof enough that he did. The sadness creeped back into Loki's heart quickly though and he buried his face against the other's shoulder.

Loki snuck out of Fandral's room an hour later, dressed again and trying to not look as if he had just had sex. The corridors were strangely empty, but he didn't think much of it until he walked around the corner to his chambers.  
  
Before Loki could react in any way, someone suddenly grabbed his am and slammed him hard against the wall. Loki gasped and tried to free himself, but his arm was twisted and pushed against his back, making it impossible for him to move.

"You think you can play games with me, brother?" Thor's furious and dark voice hissed into Loki's ear, making his brother shiver slightly. "Why don't you try and be a bit more blunt? Why not invite the whole kingdom to your little fuck sessions?"  
  
"Let me go, Thor!" Loki growled and struggled against his brother's grip, gritting his teeth. "What I do is my business, not yours! You made that very clear!"   
  
"Don't anger me, Loki," Thor said and twisted his brother's arm a bit more, causing Loki to cry out in pain. "I'm not in the mood for your jests!"

"Fuck you..." Loki spit the words out like a curse. Thor spun him around, slamming his free hand against the wall next to Loki's head. His eyes were dark with anger, something Loki had never seen before.  
  
"I'm warning you only this once, brother. Know your place or you will regret it."   
  
With this, Thor slammed Loki one last time against the wall, this time so hard Loki actually let out a scream and sank down to the floor when Thor let him go. His brother didn't even look at him. Thor stomped away and for the first time in weeks, Loki felt like he wanted to die.

It took Loki several minutes to drag himself back to his feet. The tears were still stinging and hot in his eyes, but he didn't have the strength to wipe them away. He had never seen Thor this furious and aggressive, this wasn't the brother he knew all his life, not even close.  
  
When he began to walk, a sharp wave of pain darted through his body and Loki stiffened, biting his bottom lip to not scream from just how much it hurt. This, more than Thor's anger, made his heart break. It was his fault for provoking Thor, he knew that, but it didn't change the fact that his brother had caused this pain.

Loki somehow managed to get back to his room, but even after several hours of laying down and trying to rest, the pain in his back was agonizing and he didn't know how he was supposed to end it. He knew he couldn't let this paralyze him though, he had things to do and lessons to attend and there was no way he could explain to anyone why he spent the day in bed.  
  
So, eventually, Loki forced himself to stand up and get dressed, which turned out to be a tedious and agonizing chore. When he finally left his room he could barely walk, each step sending a new wave of pain through his entire back.

How he made it through the hours that followed, Loki couldn't tell anymore, but when evening rolled around and he was finally done with his studies, his body felt like it would just fall apart any minute. He just wanted to get back to his room and sleep for the next weeks, when suddenly someone called out his name and he felt like crying again.  
  
_Oh please, not now…_

Loki heard the steps but couldn't turn around. When Fandral laid a hand on his shoulder and brought his cheek close to his own, Loki let out a weak sigh.  
  
"Not now, Fandral, please," Loki said and shook his head. "I don't feel too well."   
  
"Did something happen?" Fandral asked and stepped in front of Loki and when he looked up he could see the smile on the blond's face crumble. "My prince, you..."   
  
"I know, please, just..." Loki raised a hand and turned away, the honest concern and worry on Fandral's face too much to bear. "I just wish to sleep."

Loki began walking away, but immediately realized he made a huge mistake when his legs gave in and he tumbled. Fandral's arm was around his waist within a matter of seconds, preventing Loki from falling face forward into the dirt.  
  
"Let me help you, please!" Fandral said and wrapped his arm tighter around Loki. "You are hurt."   
  
"I'm not hurt, I'm just tired," Loki said but the next step he tried to take already proved him a liar. His face grimaced from the pain in his back and tears shot back into his eyes as he groaned.

"For once, don't act so stubborn, I beg you." Fandral's voice was shocked, but Loki couldn't answer. He was right, he knew he that.  
  
"Can you help me to my chambers, please?"   
  
"Of course, my prince."   
  
They made it halfway across the training grounds separating the library from the palace before Loki made a wrong step and Fandral couldn't keep him up. They both dropped to the ground and now, Loki couldn't hold back his tears anymore. He felt so embarrassed and humiliated and he hated himself for causing all of this over some hurt feelings.   
  
"Loki, tell me what happened," Fandral said quietly, cupping Loki's face. "Who did this to you?"

Loki didn't want to answer, but the word slipped through his lips before he was able to stop it.  
  
"Thor..."   
  
Fandral just looked at him for a long moment, a blank expression on his face. Then, his eyes narrowed slightly and Loki knew he should have kept his mouth shut.   
  
"I will kill him."   
  
"No!" Loki gasped immediately and grabbed Fandral's hands to prevent him from standing up. Tears ran down his cheeks and his voice turned into a sob. "Fandral don't! It was my fault, don't do this, please!"   
  
"Loki, look what he did to you!" Fandral protested, his face red with anger.   
  
"He didn't mean to hurt me, I know that," Loki sniffed and held the blond's hands even tighter. "He was just angry. Please, don't do anything dumb!"

"No, he hurt you and I won't let him get away with that." Fandral was determined and Loki was too weak to hold him back when he finally stood up and pulled his hands away from him.  
  
Loki gritted his teeth and got back on his feet, dragging himself after Fandral, who stomped towards the palace furiously. He knew this wouldn't end good, he couldn't let this happen, no. He didn't want him to get hurt too, just because he had been a stupid kid. Loki cursed himself for not being able to walk faster because of his pain and when he suddenly heard a loud bang as he came closer to the palace, all color was drained from his face.

He could hear the fight that had broken out before he could see it. Determined to stop this madness before it could get any worse, Loki forced himself to go faster.  
  
When he finally reached the spot where Fandral was fighting with his brother, Loki knew he had come just in time. Thor was about to charge towards his friend and he knew that Fandral might not survive the sheer force Thor would hit him with.   
  
Loki could only think of one way to stop this. With all the strength he had left, he began to run and threw himself between his brother and Fandral. He raised his hands, shouting: "Thor, stop!"   
  
For a torturous long moment, Loki was sure that it was too late, that Thor would hit him and that this would be it. But all that he could feel was the slight brush of air as Thor stopped his fist merely an inch in front of Loki's face and the brothers just looked at each other, both in complete shock.

Loki's heart beat so fast it made it almost impossible to breathe. He didn't move, just kept looking at his brother and after a few seconds he could see the blind rage on Thor's face disappear. What replaced it was even more painful than any punch could have ever been.  
  
Thor lowered his hand finally and with it, his whole anger dropped too. He took a step back, eyes glossy and empty and suddenly Loki wanted him to be angry again, to yell at him or to punch him. Anything but this dooming silence that made his throat tighten.   
  
But Thor didn't get angry again. He simply turned around and walked away from his terrified brother and his friend behind him, without a word, without anything.   
  
Loki sank down to the floor, staring after his brother with tears rolling down his cheeks. The physical pain didn't matter anymore suddenly, it was just a numb pressure somewhere in his body. What mattered was the stinging in his chest and the realization that his whole world had just been shattered to pieces.

Nothing felt right after this moment anymore. Thor avoided Loki as much as he avoided Fandral and every time Loki saw his brother anywhere, this urge to run over to him got more and more overwhelming. But it was like Thor didn't even know Loki existed anymore. It was this rejection and coldness that hurt more than anything else ever could, because for Loki the worst punishment was not torture or pain, no. It was losing Thor's love and now he had lost just that.

Not even Fandral, who tried everything he could to make Loki feel cherished and loved, managed to make anything better. Suddenly those sweet words he whispered felt like lies, his touches felt like needles in his heart because they were not the ones Loki yearned for so desperately.  
  
Weeks passed like this and every day, Loki felt a bit more like he was dying. He knew he hurt Fandral with this, because the warrior genuinely cared for him and his love was not acted or false, but as much as Loki tried, he just couldn't return it. In a way he did love Fandral, yes, but it was not the same. It wasn't how he loved his brother and he knew, if this kept going, he would lose Fandral too very soon.

They were outside one afternoon, Loki and Fandral, because the warrior had insisted Loki needed some fresh air and the prince was too numb to protest. Now he just sat under a tree, his head on his knees and listened to Fandral's voice, without hearing the words he spoke.  
  
Suddenly, Loki's head jerked up at the sound of a new voice and his eyes widened. Fandral stopped talking and looked up too, but unlike Loki, his heart was not turning into an icy lump. No, his began to burn with anger.   
  
Thor walked a few feet away from them, a young girl next to him who talked and clung to his arm. Thor's face was blank and when he turned his head and spotted the two looking at him, the older prince gulped and stood still.   
  
Fandral clenched his hands to fists when Loki suddenly stood up, covered his mouth with a hand and began to run. He jumped up too, torn between following Loki or confronting Thor, but he knew there was only one thing he would do now.

He walked over to Thor and without a word, without a warning, punched his friend straight in the face. His blow was so hard and surprising that Thor's head flew to the side and the girl jumped back, screeching. Fandral looked at her for merely a second, but it was enough to make her leave.  
  
"You are the biggest and most dense fool in all of Asgard!" Fandral growled and turned his head back around, facing a very confused and shocked Thor. "Do you even realize how much you screw up or are you too stupid for that?"   
  
"What-"   
  
"I'll tell you what, you oaf!" Fandral shouted and pushed Thor back with so much force the other actually stumbled. "Did you see your brother just now? Did you see what your stupidity has done? Loki is a mess and it's all because of you! Because you are too dense and arrogant to care about anyone but yourself! You disgust me!"

Thor looked at Fandral for a long moment, a hand resting on his cheek where his friend had hit him. Finally, he let out a sigh and shook his head.  
  
"You think I don't care about Loki?" he asked, his glare turning stern.   
  
"It certainly doesn't look like you do!" Fandral huffed angrily. "Loki has not stopped crying for weeks and you won't even look at him!"   
  
"You know what I have done, you know what I almost did..." Thor's voice became quiet, almost ashamed. "He deserves someone who doesn't hurt him like I did... someone like you."

"Yes, I know what you did, but don't you see that what you do now hurts him even more?" Fandral asked, dropping his shoulders. "I love Loki, I really do, but I will never be what you are to him, Thor. He is heartbroken, he thinks you hate him and this?" he pointed into the direction the girl had run off to. "This was the last straw."  
  
"He chose you."   
  
"No he didn't," Fandral said and sighed. "He wanted to stop you from killing me, nothing more. He begged me to stay back, to not kick your ass for hurting him."   
  
"I didn't know what I was doing," Thor suddenly said with a heavy voice, running a hand through his hair. There was so much guilt in his eyes that even Fandral couldn't miss it. "I was so... so angry and mad... when I saw you two I just... I just snapped."

Fandral laid a hand on Thor's shoulder and after a moment, the prince looked back up at him.  
  
"You love him, don't you?" Fandral asked and Thor nodded slowly.   
  
"More than anything else."   
  
"Then stop being so stubborn and tell him. He's dying without you and I can't watch this anymore. I don't want Loki to be hurt, even if it means I will have to step back."   
  
"How could he ever forgive me for doing this to him?" Thor asked with a heavy voice. "And how could you? I was ready to kill you, I would have done it had Loki not stepped between us."   
  
"We are even then," Fandral said and smirked. "Because I was ready to kill you too that day. And Loki... he has already forgiven you, trust me. All he wants is to have you back."

\-----

When Thor knocked on Loki's door his only answer was silence. He turned around to Fandral, who stepped forward and knocked again, in a different pattern. At this, a quiet and horribly sad voice answered.  
  
"Come in..."   
  
Fandral nodded and signaled Thor to wait, then opened the door. He walked into the room without closing it again and knelt down next to Loki's bed. The prince laid there, still crying and without a word pulled Fandral into his arms, sobbing against his shoulder.   
  
"I lost him," Loki sobbed, tears staining the warriors shirt. "I... I can't do this... I just can't!"   
  
"Stop crying, my prince," Fandral whispered and brushed a hand through Loki's hair before kissing his head. "I don't think all is lost yet."   
  
"You saw him!" Loki cried out and pushed himself back to look at the other. "I destroyed everything because I didn't get what I wanted! Thor hates me and I deserve it!"   
  
"He doesn't hate you," Fandral said, cupping Loki's teary face with both hands. "There is no way he could ever hate you, I promise. You were hurt, that's all."   
  
"And I hurt him in return," Loki sniffed, shaking his head the best he could. "And I hurt you too. I used you..."

"How did you use me?" Fandral smiled, brushing his thumbs gently over Loki's face to wipe away his tears. "I am not blind, Loki. I know you could never love me like you love your brother and I would never ask you to."  
  
"I used you to make him jealous... you should hate me too..."   
  
"But I don't, I never would," Fandral sighed. "You both made mistakes, but if you don't talk to each other nothing will get better. You'll only get hurt more, both of you."   
  
"He doesn't want to talk to me," Loki said and turned his head away. "He wouldn't even listen if I told him that I miss him and love him..."   
  
"I would," Thor suddenly broke the silence after his brother's words and stepped into the room too, sad blue eyes finding Loki's surprised and scared green ones.

"Brother..."  
  
Loki's voice trembled at this one word alone and when Fandral stood up and Thor knelt down in front of him instead, Loki sat up with fear wide eyes. Thor took one of his hands into his own, so careful and gentle that Loki held his breath for a moment.   
  
"I'm so sorry, Loki," Thor said quietly, looking up at his brother. "I know I can never make up for hurting you like this, I deserve your anger and hate, but I love you, I truly do... I never meant to hurt you like this, I swear."   
  
"It's my fault," Loki sniffed and wiped his eyes with his free hand. "I... I just wanted you to... to get jealous and..."   
  
"And admit how I feel?" Thor asked with a weak smile and Loki nodded. "I'm so sorry, Loki. I didn't want to hurt you, I never turned you down because I wouldn't love you, I mean it."

"What... what about that girl?" Loki asked shyly and suddenly Thor leaned up, pressing the most tender kiss on his brother's lips.  
  
"Nothing about her," Thor said warmly. "I don't care for her, I promise."   
  
Loki's lips trembled and he threw himself forward without answering, clinging to his brother for his dear life and burying his face against his neck.   
  
"I'm sorry, Thor..." he sobbed as strong, gentle hands brushed through his hair, resting on his neck. "I was so scared of losing you and that you'd hate me..."   
  
"I would never hate you, Loki," Thor assured him, holding his brother as tight as possible. "And I promise I will never hurt you again."

Loki couldn't stop crying, not even when he looked up at Fandral over Thor's shoulder. He wanted to say something, knew that he had to, but the words were stuck in his throat. Fandral looked at him for a moment before smiling gently.

“I will leave you alone now,” he said, nodded at Loki and walked out. When the door closed behind him, Thor's grip loosened a little and he pulled back. Loki's chest stung when he looked into his brother's eyes.

“Don't go!” Loki said almost immediately, tears shimmering in his eyes. “Please…”

“I won't go anywhere, I promise,” Thor answered, kissing Loki's cheek gently. He crawled onto the bed, sitting next to Loki as he turned to face him. “I really hurt you, didn’t I?” he asked, reaching out to take one of Loki’s hands into his.

“It was my fault, I-”

“No, Loki,” Thor interrupted his brother, squeezing his hand. “This is not your fault, don’t think that. I did this to you. I rejected you and you needed someone to give you what I refused to give you, that’s no excuse to hurt you like I did. I scared you.”

“I knew you saw us,” Loki admitted and dropped his gaze. “I heard something and knew it could only be you… and I wanted you to see us.”

“To make me jealous?” Thor asked and Loki nodded ashamed.

“It was childish, I know, but I thought… if you saw us you might change your mind… I thought you would want to stop it and stop rejecting me…”

“And instead I almost broke your arm and your back,” Thor sighed and shook his head. “I can’t believe I let my anger control me like that. You must have been terrified.”

“Not then, no,” Loki shook his head. “I was angry and sad, but not terrified.”

“When were you?”

“When I thought you would kill Fandral.”

Loki looked back up and for a moment they just sat like this, holding hands and remembering that very moment. It was Thor who finally broke the silence and when he did, his voice was a sad, hushed whisper.

“Because you love him?”

“No,” Loki replied, a sad smile on his lips. “Because I love _you_.”

“Then why did you put yourself between us? If not to save him?”

“Because he is your friend, isn’t he?” Loki says quietly. “He was enraged when he found out what happened and I couldn’t stop him. But I knew, if you would get just as angry, he would have died. Fandral is strong but he’s not… you. And I could never live with myself if his blood would be on your hands. So I did the only thing I could think of to stop you...”

“Loki, I could have killed you instead, do you know that?” Thor was out of himself by the thought alone, but Loki’s smile didn’t falter when he looked at him.

“I know,” he said sadly. “But I was the one who started this all, not him. If anyone would have deserved this, it would have been me.”

Thor didn’t say anything, instead he pulled Loki into his arms and hugged him as tight as he possibly could. His embrace was almost desperate and Loki clung to his arm, his face buried against his brother’s chest.

“I never meant to scare you like this, I mean it,” Thor murmured, kissing Loki’s head. “I saw the fear in your eyes, fear of me, and I felt like the worst brother in the world. It breaks my heart I made you feel like you deserve to be punished for anything you did.”

“I’m sorry,” Loki whispered, snaking his arms around Thor’s waist to hold him too now. “I didn’t mean to anger you like this or hurt any of you.”

“Loki, listen to me,” Thor grabbed his brother’s arms, pushing him away just enough to be able to look into his sad eyes. “You did nothing to deserve punishment, nothing, okay? I love you and the thought alone that you could be scared of me because you think I might hurt you is breaking me like nothing else ever could.”

“I’m not scared of you,” Loki sniffed, shaking his head. “I thought you’d hate me for what I did, that you’d hate both of us and I…”

“I don’t hate you,” Thor said sternly, wiping the tears off Loki’s cheeks with his thumb carefully. “I hate neither you nor Fandral, I promise. I stayed away from you to not hurt you even more, not because I hate you.”

“I thought I lost you…”

“You’ll never lose me,” Thor smiled and leaned forward, pressing a tender kiss on Loki’s lips. His hands moved to his brother’s back, pulling him closer and Loki showed no resistance when he followed the gesture.

When Thor’s hands shoved under his shirt, Loki sighed into their kiss and wrapped his arms around his brother’s neck. They only broke their kiss for Thor to pull the shirt over Loki’s head, immediately coming together again. Loki melted against Thor’s lips, savoring them like nothing else ever before. He waited for this for so long, it was just completely overwhelming.

Loki had dreamed of this to happen, but he never imagined it to feel like this. Thor’s hands were utterly caressing and gentle, his touches careful and exploring his body as if Loki was the most precious and breakable thing in the world. He never felt this treasured before, not even when he had been with Fandral, who was always gentle and almost worshipping with him. No, with Thor it was completely different and Loki drowned in it.

“I love you, brother,” Loki whispered against Thor’s lips, his voice thick from just how intensely his emotions overwhelmed him. “I’ll never be so dumb again, I promise.”

“You are not dumb, don’t say that,” Thor murmured, placing gentle kisses along his brother’s neck. “You are precious and I should have never rejected your love, not even for a second. I love you and I will never stop loving you.”

Loki stretched his neck at the incredible feeling of Thor’s lips against his skin, a shuddered sigh escaping his lips. He unbuttoned his brother’s shirt with shaking fingers, barely able to concentrate. The need to feel Thor’s skin against his own was never stronger and as soon as his fingertips brushed over the toned muscles he revealed, his heart began to beat even faster. His hands began to tremble uncontrollably now and Loki had to lay them against Thor’s chest to stop it. At this, Thor stopped kissing him and pulled back.

“Are you afraid?” he asked worried, bringing a hand to Loki’s neck.

“Not afraid but… nervous?” Loki smiled awkwardly, his cheeks showing a hint of red as he blushed. “I don’t want to screw everything up again, that’s all.”

“There is no way you could,” Thor smiled, kissing Loki’s cheek. “I’ll be careful, but only if you want this. Just tell me if you want me to stop, I won’t be mad, I promise.”

“No… no, I want it.” Loki shook his head and leaned it against Thor’s chest. “I want to feel you.”

Thor brushed his fingers over Loki’s neck gently, pressing a kiss on his forehead.

“I won’t ever hurt you again, Loki. I vow on my life that I never will again.”

Loki fought hard to not let the tears that had built up in his eyes at Thor’s words to fall. He felt like he would explode from happiness. Thor was so very gentle when he picked him up and laid him down on the bed. Loki closed his eyes when his brother undressed him, trying to not let his emotions get the better of him because he didn’t want to ruin this moment by being a little crybaby. When Thor crawled over to him finally, towering above him, Loki opened his eyes again and looked up.

“I have never seen something as perfect as you, brother,” Thor whispered, trailing his fingers along Loki’s hips. His words made Loki’s face flush red. He shuddered when Thor leaned down and pressed his lips against his stomach, this simple and sweet touch alone making fireworks inside of him go off.

“You’re tickling me,” Loki chuckled when his brother kept caressing his sides and Thor smirked against him.

“I thought you liked that?” he asked and looked up at his brother.

“You are impossible, Thor,” Loki laughed and pulled his knee up, bumping it against Thor’s ass. “Stop teasing me, come on!”

“I love teasing you,” Thor purred, pressing another kiss Loki’s stomach and slowly moving up as he continued. “I love your chuckle, your laugh, how cute you look when you blush like this…”

Loki whimpered under the torturous and delicious touch of his brother’s lips, unable to form any words or even so much as a coherent thought.

“If you knew just how gorgeous you look right now,” Thor whispered, placing a last kiss on Loki’s collar bone before pushing himself up on his arms and searching for his eyes again. “Still nervous?” he asked.

“Oh, you bastard!” Loki laughed out and punched Thor’s arm. “I should hate you, I really should!”

“But you don’t,” Thor smiled and kissed the corner of Loki’s lips playfully. “And I’m so glad you don’t. Because I love you, Loki.” He kissed his brother again, longer and more intense this time. “I love you so much, you have no idea.”

Loki finally lost the fight against his tears, but he didn’t mind anymore at this point. That Thor made him laugh so he would be less nervous, that he was this sweet and thoughtful, was just too much for him. He never loved Thor more than he did in this moment and the realization was so strong that he could only hold onto him and kiss him and hope it would never be any different again.

Thor kept kissing Loki when he ran his hands down his chest and stomach, brushing gently over his cock and then spreading his cheeks with his fingers. There was no pressure in his movements or any demanding, he was simply tender and careful as he had promised. Loki’s head began to spin when he felt Thor’s fingers circling his hole and finally pushing in, this alone giving him such a wonderful wave of bliss that rushed through his body that he couldn’t help but moan into Thor’s mouth.

“You feel incredible, Loki,” Thor purred, making his brother sigh weakly. “Do you like that?”

“It’s amazing,” Loki whispered, his lips curling into a smile. “I want to feel you, brother… all of you.”

“You will,” Thor promised, continuing to coax quiet sighs and moans from his brother. “But I don’t want to hurt you or rush this, I want you to enjoy every moment of it.”

Loki knew he couldn’t possibly not enjoy anything Thor did with him, but his words were the sweetest he could have said. As he continued to prepare him like this, Loki allowed himself to just fall back and savor the beautiful experience to the fullest.

When Thor added a second finger, stretching him wider, Loki moaned in delight and dug his nails into his brother’s shoulders. It felt so utterly good, he couldn’t hold back even if every moan made him blush more. He couldn’t help it, the way Thor made him feel so weak and vulnerable was everything and just too much to bear. Loki was almost exhausted already when Thor finally stopped moving his fingers and rested a hand on his chest, making him look up.

“Brother?” Loki asked when Thor just stayed still and looked at him, slightly confused. “Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing,” Thor said and shook his his head, smiling. “I’m just trying to believe this is going to happen, that’s all.”

“You think you’ll hurt me, don’t you?”

Thor stayed silent for a long moment before eventually sighing: “A little, yes.”

Loki smiled, covering Thor’s hand on his chest with his own and entwining their fingers. “You won’t break me or hurt me, I know that.”

“Just say if it’s too much, okay?” Thor asked and Loki nodded before signaling his brother to lean down and kiss him. He knew Thor wouldn’t hurt him, there was no way he could with just how careful he was with him. But he knew this was something his brother feared and he wanted to make sure he knew that Loki was willing and ready for this, that there was nothing he had to be scared of.

Loki’s encouragement seemed to work, because as he kissed him, Thor continued moving his fingers and hummed in delight. By now, Loki felt stretched more than ever before already and he got more and more impatient for what was about to come. He bit down onto Thor’s bottom lip carefully, drawing a surprised little moan from his brother and chuckled into the kiss before Thor took his breath away by deepening it, his tongue dancing around Loki’s.

When Thor suddenly retreated his fingers, Loki let out a sound of disapproval and opened his eyes. He found his brother’s dark blue ones filled with lust and arousal, almost sparkling. Loki knew Thor was ready and he was more than ready himself, but he wanted to make things a little easier for both of them and knew just how he could do that.

Loki shoved a hand under his pillow, bringing forth a small vial he handed Thor with a smirk. He was relieved when his brother simply took the vial and opened it without asking any questions - for example why Loki even had this here and what he used it for in the past. While Thor slicked his cock with the oil he gave him, Loki pushed himself up a little so he would be in a better position. And if he was honest, also because he wanted to see just exactly what was waiting for him.

_Fuck, he’s huge!_

Thor was so much bigger than Loki had expected, he couldn’t deny that. Compared to Fandral, his brother was a freaking beast, there was no other way to describe it. Loki tried to hide his surprise, but of course Thor noticed it right away. The self-satisfied smirk on his face was unable to miss.

“Changed your mind?” Thor cocked, but Loki shook his head almost immediately, his eyes still slightly widened and glued to his brother’s hard on. Damn, even his mouth was watering at this point, this was insane. But he wanted his brother, more than ever before now.

“No way in Hel,” Loki huffed, forcing his eyes away from this impressive sight to look back up. “You?”

“Never,” Thor smirked, leaning into another kiss as he positioned himself between his brother’s legs. Loki noticed that Thor’s legs trembled slightly against his own, which made him feel slightly relieved. Apparently he wasn’t the only one who couldn’t wait any longer. Loki’s heart skipped a few beats when he felt the tip of Thor’s cock press against his hole and he wrapped his hands around his neck again to hold him close.

It was an explosion when Thor pushed forward and Loki couldn’t keep up their kiss and longer. His head fell back and he cried out desperately. Every single nerve in his body tensed up and he grit his teeth, Thor’s length filling him so much more than he expected. He tried to hold on for as long as he could, but finally he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Stop, please!” Loki begged, holding onto his brother’s neck so tight now that his knuckles turned white.

“Did I hurt you?” Thor immediately asked, holding still and his voice full of worry and regret.

“No, just… give me a moment,” Loki hissed and pressed his head into the pillow. He felt so awful for telling Thor to stop, but this was all just too overwhelming. He loosened his grip on his brother’s neck slightly, fighting for air to fill his lungs again. It still felt like he was suffocating though and it brought tears back into his eyes. “Fuck…”

“Shh, Loki,” Thor whispered, gently caressing his brother’s thighs. “Take your time, it’s all good. Just tell me what you need, okay?”

“Hold me,” Loki cried, the need to feel Thor’s arms around him too strong to want anything else. There was no hesitation or questioning to his request. Thor suddenly pulled out of him, causing Loki to moan out loudly, before his arms were around Loki’s waist and he was pulled up.

Thor sat down on the bed, putting Loki into his lap and kissing him in the most careful and passionate way possible. He held his brother so tight that there was no room for Loki’s fears or worries anymore and Loki was utterly thankful for it.

“Let’s try it like this, shall we?” Thor asked after breaking their kiss and Loki nodded silently.

If Thor just held him like this, Loki knew it would be okay. He was lifted up again slightly and when Thor pushed into him this time, the suffocating tightness in his chest was gone. He still thought he was ripped apart by just how intense it felt to be filled like this, but with Thor holding him and kissing his jaw and throat, the pain was nothing more than a tiny thing in the back of his mind.

“That’s it, brother,” Thor groaned, sucking on Loki’s adam’s apple and coaxing another long moan from him. “How does it feel now?”

“It’s so big,” Loki moaned, his voice trembling like never before. “It’s so much, Thor…”

“I know, but you’re doing amazing, Loki,” Thor purred, letting a series of kisses on his brother’s collarbone follow. “You feel so good on me, so perfect…”

“Please don’t stop,” Loki begged, holding onto Thor tighter again. He felt the hot tears on his face, but they were nothing compared to the feeling of his brother inside him like this. It was everything, absolutely everything Loki ever wished for.

“Just keep breathing, baby.”

Loki let out a shuddered whimper in return and Thor let him down a bit more, face buried against his neck. Black dots appeared in front of Loki’s eyes, but he pressed them close, biting the insides of his cheeks. All he could feel anymore was how damn much Thor’s cock stretched him and with every bit he pushed in further, his insides flared up again and his loins exploded from pleasure.

“Almost, baby…” Thor growled, strong hands caressing Loki’s back. “Can you take more?”

“God, yes!” Loki sobbed now, desperately wanting to feel everything despite already being so full he thought he’d pass out any second. “Please, brother…”

There was a stinging and extreme painful pleasure when Thor pushed all the way in and Loki couldn’t hold back a scream, despite trying as hard as he could. If Thor would have moved just then, Loki would have died for sure, he knew it. But his brother stayed still inside him, holding him tight against his chest.

“Thor…” Loki actually cried now, his face hot from embarrassment and arousal and just so overwhelmed by everything that he couldn’t control his emotions anymore.

“I’m here, baby,” Thor whispered, kissing his brother’s cheek tenderly and brushing a hand through his hair. “It’s all good, I’m here with you.”

“Don’t let go, Thor,” Loki whispered, dropping his head on Thor’s shoulder to hide his face. “Please don’t let go…”

“I won’t, I promise. Never again.”

Loki nodded, without saying a word. It was hard to calm down, but eventually his body adjusted to his brother’s cock inside him, filling him to the brink. Thor gave him all the time he needed, caressing his sides and pressing kisses wherever he could reach him.

“How are you doing?” Thor asked after Loki managed to relax slightly and Loki nodded again.

“I’m fine,” he panted, smiling weakly. “It feels so good, Thor...”

“You think I can move yet?”

“Yes,” Loki whispered, biting his lip. “It’s okay, really… do it...”

The first moment Thor began to move, Loki came close to fainting. He bit down his lip so hard he drew blood, the stinging pain clearing his head enough to stay conscious. This was so much more than he expected, but at the same time it was the most intense and amazing thing Loki ever felt in his life.

“You feel so perfect, Loki,” Thor moaned into his brother’s ear, slowly thrusting into his tight and incredibly hot warmth. “Fuck, I can’t believe how tight you are…”

“More, brother, please…” Loki’s lips trembled, but he tried to steady his voice the best he could. “It feels so good, I want more, please…”

Thor’s arms almost squeezed his brother now, holding him in place as he began to fasten his pace slightly. Loki threw his head back and moaned in absolute and bliss, the pain long gone and with nothing but pleasure and the wonderful lightness in his head. He was unable to speak, reduced to nothing but whimpers and moans, barely able to hold onto Thor anymore. He kept hitting a certain spot deep inside that made Loki want to cry out every time and it was just too much, too much for him to comprehend and to take.

“Let go, baby,” Thor groaned, kissing Loki’s shoulder passionately. “Just let go and cum for me.”

Loki couldn’t have held back any longer if he had tried. He came with a cry of his brother’s name, his nails digging so deep into Thor’s shoulders that he would surely leave marks, but he barely noticed it. His orgasm wiped out everything else, leaving him with absolute bliss. Thor kept up his pace, prolonging Loki’s high so much it became almost torture before he finally came himself.

When Thor’s seed finally filled him with the most overwhelming heat, Loki let out a whimpering cry and held onto his brother as tight as possible. He was completely worn out and sobbing against Thor’s shoulder, unable to hold anything back.

Minutes passed like this, both brothers just holding each other in the aftermath of what Loki could only describe later as the most perfect moment of his life. There were no words spoken between them, but there was no need for them either. All they needed was to be together, to be connected like this and to feel each other. Nothing else was important at this moment.

“Thor, I…” Loki eventually started to speak, but his voice cracked and his throat tightened, leaving him speechless.

“Shh, Loki, it’s okay,” Thor whispered, pressing a kiss on his brother’s temple. “You don’t have to say anything now, it’s okay.”

Loki was thankful that Thor understood, even if he wanted to say a lot of things. Maybe now wasn’t the time for either of them. They would have time later, now all he needed was to be held and to know his brother next to him.

When Thor pulled out of him finally and laid them both down on the bed, Loki felt a horrible loss inside. He tightened his grip around Thor’s waist, pressing his face against his broad chest and closing his eyes.

“Stay with me,” he mumbled, smiling when Thor’s arms wrapped around him too. Like this he felt almost tiny, but Loki felt safe in his brother’s embrace and he wanted nothing else.

“I’ll stay with you forever,” Thor promised and Loki’s smile brightened a little.

\-----

Loki knocked on Fandral’s door, wringing his hands nervously as he waited for an answer. He didn’t know if the other even wanted to see him, but after what happened the day before it felt important to Loki to try and speak to him. Surprisingly, after a long minute, the door was opened. Fandral smiled at Loki and asked him inside, but despite his smile and the welcoming attitude, something about him seemed off.

“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” Loki said and sat down on the big bed as Fandral walked over to him. “I didn’t know if you’d want to see me or not.”

“You are not disturbing me, don’t worry, my prince,” Fandral smiled and leaned down, pressing a kiss on Loki’s cheek. “And you are always welcome here, you know that.”

“I know, but…” Loki looked down at his lap, a hand brushing over the cheek Fandral had just kissed absentmindedly. “After yesterday, I thought you might not want to see me anymore.”

“Nothing has changed for me, Loki,” Fandral said and Loki carefully glanced over at him. He was pouring wine into a chalice and before continuing, brought it to his lips to take a sip. “I am happy you and your brother finally talked. It’s what you wanted all this time, isn’t it?”

“It is…” Loki mumbled ashamed.

“Then I wish you all the luck in the nine realms,” Fandral said and emptied his chalice.

“Aren’t you mad at me?” Loki asked, slightly confused.

“Why should I be mad at you?” Fandral smiled warmly. “I always knew about your feelings for Thor, didn’t I?”

Loki didn’t know what to say to that. Of course Fandral always knew, but they had spent a lot of time together, they had talked and shared secrets, they had been close… Fandral had grown on him, even if it was never what Loki had had in mind when this all started. And he knew that Fandral had feelings for him, loved him even, so why wasn’t he mad? He had every right to be mad at him, they both knew that.

“Loki, I still love you, nothing about that has changed,” Fandral suddenly said and knelt down in front of his prince, taking his hand. “I wish for you to be happy and I know you will be happy with your brother, what good would it do if I were mad at you?”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Fandral,” Loki said with a sad, heavy voice. “You were so kind and good to me and you are important to me, I don’t want to do this to you.”

“You can’t hurt me by being happy, Loki,” Fandral said amused. “Thor is my friend, but so are you. Seeing either of you suffer because you are torn apart is awful, I don’t wish for that to happen.”

“I don’t want to lose what we have,” Loki said seriously, covering Fandral’s hand with his own. “I know it sounds hypocrite after what happened, but I truly don’t want that.”

“What do are you implying?” Now Fandral was the confused one and Loki knew why, because he was just as confused about his feelings.

“I love you, Fandral,” Loki finally admitted, sighing in relief of saying those words that he has always avoided in the past. “I know it’s different than the way I love Thor, but I don’t want to lose someone I love and who became so important to me.”

“Loki…” Fandral whispered, cupping the prince’s face tenderly. Loki leaned into the touch and closed his eyes for a moment, smiling weakly. “How could I ever leave you if you want me to stay?”

“Would you?” Loki asked, looking back into Fandral’s gentle and kind eyes. “Would you stay with me, knowing I will always love Thor more?”

“If you want me to,” Fandral smiled back, kissing Loki’s hand that held his own. “I would never try to take you away from your brother again, but if I can make you happy by staying with you, I will.”

“Without you I would still be sobbing on my bed, crying my eyes out over not being with him,” Loki said sadly. “I’m sorry that I put all of this on you.”

“Look, if I wouldn’t want you to be with your brother, I wouldn’t have talked some sense into him in the first place. He is the sole reason you and I ever came together.”

“I know and I have no idea why you’re not yelling at me right now for all of this.”

Fandral smiled warmly and brushed his thumb over Loki’s cheek. “I hold no grudge against Thor or you, I knew your feelings from the very beginning and I would never use them against you in any way.”

“Do you think we can make this work?” Loki wanted to believe it, he truly did. Because he was happy with his brother, utterly happy, but losing Fandral after all they’ve been through would be something he would never recover from. Even if he loved him less than Thor, he still did and he didn’t want to lose him. He didn’t want to lose either of them.

“If we try, I’m sure we can,” Fandral assured him, kissing his hand again softly. “And if it doesn’t work for any reason whatsoever, we can say we tried at least. In any case, you will always be my friend and important to me, nothing will change that.

Loki threw himself forward, pulling Fandral into an almost crushing hug. He knew it was a risk, but the chance of keeping him and Thor in his life was everything he could think about anymore. Loki couldn’t stand the thought of hurting Fandral or losing him and knowing he was willing to give them a chance like this was everything he had wished for when he came to his friend this morning.


End file.
